Scars and the feelings we feel. 

By Jane Midgley. 

I’ve been helping people with their scars a few years now so, when Carrie asked me to write a blog post about the effects of scarring I thought it was going to be easy. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Scarring affects us on so many levels; how they look, how they feel to the touch, how they make us feel and the thing is quite often we don’t even realise this. It wasn’t until I started writing about scars that I realised how much I was still affected by mine.

 

As you would imagine we all have scars. The physical ones we accrue through the rough and tumble of life. The medical ones through necessity and intervention. The emotional ones through grief, loss, heartbreak and love. You’ve heard the phrase ‘scarred for life’? They don’t call it scarred for nothing. Scars affect the whole person: mind, body, spirit, the whole shebang. And quite often the effects are deep, long lasting and down right dark and nasty.

 

So, I sat in front of my computer and tried to write my post – nothing came. No words, nada, null, nothing. I couldn’t quite grasp this as being as ex copy writer and marketer words are generally not something I’m lost for. But I couldn’t write anything. There was a feeling. A deep feeling and a voice that whispered, “you don’t want to go there’. I felt uneasy, anxious and probably a bit afraid. Too right I didn’t want to go there. So I scribbled a few words and emailed it knowing my words lacked depth and truth. Quite rightly it was sent back, I expected a ‘must try harder’ but Carrie is far too nice for that. She did say write from heart though and I knew she was right. I needed to write from my heart; my own experience. Not a faux, ‘I understand your pain’ kind of way but a ‘I get it – I really get it’.

 

Yeah, I have scars. A long silver slither of a childhood dog bite scar that I occasionally say, ‘Oh I was bitten by our dog when I was a child look!” (this one I kind of see as a badge of honour). Then there’s the short stubby white scar on my leg (the mark of shame) that’s almost faded now but was the source of much embarrassment. I’d fallen whilst ice skating as a teenager and was taken to hospital (subsequent broken leg), but the Dr comment on this large gash on my leg. Did you do this today? Humbled, embarrassed and wanting the world to eat me up, my 16 year old self had to admit to accidentally slashing my leg whilst shaving my legs in the bath. The Dr gave a knowing “ummm’ and I turned beetroot. I have scars from 2 broken legs actually, few chicken pox scars and a scar on my forehead when someone threw a large stone at me. But the ones that really get me every time, the biggies, the ‘don’t touch me or look at me’ are my cesarian scar and my internal Endometriosis scarring.

 

In all honesty my cesarian scar is not as bad as it could be. It’s a very small tidy white line, in fact so small I can hardly imagine how they managed they to get a baby out of it. But I know it’s there and my body knows it’s still there too. 10 years down the line I still suffer with back pains, hip and pelvic pain which, in combo with my Endometriosis can be miserable (actually debilitating, tiring and massively painful). I have had MFR sessions for both my C-section and Endo and in all honesty it does help my pain, movement and mood – massively – but in the case of Endo that never really goes away so I know MFR is something that I will forever use as maintenance rather than cure.

 

The scars that trouble me the most though are my laparoscopy scars. This is where they make 3 holes – 2 in your abdomen and 1 in your belly button and insert surgical instruments to look (in my case into my pelvis) and cut out the Endometrial growth. Of course cutting away leads to scar tissue which is on top of the scar tissue that the Endometrial growths cause. Double whammy. Despite being small this is the scar that has a hold on me. I cannot bare anyone to see it, touch it, ask about it. The thought of a finger touching it makes me feel physically sick and as for wearing anything that could possibly show off my belly button scar……… I’d rather wear a sack. Sadly my belly button makes me feel nauseous, angry and emotional. I am now just about brave enough to put my finger into and allow my tissues to soften, triggering self MFR. Interestingly when I do this, I notice pain in my hip, my back and under my ribs. If you’ve read the scar tissue page you’ll get why.

 

(There is a post script here though, when I was training in scar tissue release the first scar we released was to my horror the ‘belly button’. I wanted to escape but knew I couldn’t so I gritted my teeth and let my very tender and gentle fellow student practice on me. And it wasn’t too bad. It didn’t hurt although I was very aware of where I could feel releasing (hips, ribs, c-section). Yes, it did my me cry, but more from a letting go of the emotions connected to the scar than anything else. And afterwards I did feel so much better. I was lighter, my pain was less severe and I felt less anxious. Today my belly button scar is much less traumatic, I’m maybe not ready for a cropped top but I don’t think I ever was. My previous paragraph relates to how it did make me feel.)

 

So today when I work with people, initially often due to chronic pain. I do understand. I understand that you don’t like bits about yourself. That you may feel insecure, anxious and angry. I do get that restriction and pain means that you miss out on doing the things you used to love. That sometimes bending over to pull up a sock is a massive strain. That sometimes the pain and the emotion is dark and you feel lonely and ‘why me’. I get it.

 

But I also know that in my experience and working with my clients that MFR can make a big difference. I have worked with people whose pain meds have been reduced by half after 2 session, people who have been in pain for 20+ years and unable to bend forward after 3 sessions could move with ease. People who could not imagine what it would be like not to be in pain smiling because they feel great. I’m not arrogant enough to say that MFR is miracle cure but I can happily and honestly say that being brave enough to try MFR might be the best decision you could ever make.

To chat to Jane about what scar release work could mean for you please get in contact at Hello (at) thrivesheffield.co.uk
Pic credit Jordon Bauer

 

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